Boomerang Kids and Parents: Set These Ground Rules

A few days ago I wrote about the growing trend of boomeranging - when adult children return to live with their parents. The trend seems to be firmly in place and the sluggish U.S economy seems to be the main cause.

When families do this, clearly it can cause stress and difficult issues will arise that need to be addressed. What works best is when the young adult is contributing and there are some basic ground rules with which everyone agrees.

When setting the rules and expectations, the first thing to realize is that young adults are no longer children, but household companions who can contribute and help run the household. Setting rules for contributing, charging rent, household duties, curfews, etc. can also help to set the boundaries and give the parents and their boomerang children a sense of what is in and out of bounds.

When setting rules, have a mutually agreeable discussion and be flexible. Also recognize what's in it for the young adult and what's in it for the parents. A list of things to discuss includes:

• Will rent be charged and how much?
• Is this living arrangement for a limited time or is it open ended?
• Who will do what household duties?
• Do you have a car and where will you keep it?
• What's the deal with curfews, visitors and sleepovers?

As for charging rent, even a nominal amount is advised so that the young adult feels like they are contributing something. It's a good idea to write up a family rental agreement and stick to the payments on a regular basis. One way to figure the amount to pay is to base it on the percentage of rooms used. Say for example that you have a ten room house and your kid is using one bedroom, then that would be ten percent of the house. If the monthly housing costs total $2,500 (interest, taxes, insurance, utilities, etc), then the monthly rent would be $250. Parents reluctant to charge their boomerang kids any rent should rethink it. With another adult in the house, bills for food and utilities will go up more than they might expect.

Discuss and agree to household duties such as who does the laundry, cleans the house, takes out the trash, etc. Also have a specific conversation and agree to rules for a curfew and if and when visitors or sleepovers are allowed.

Meet monthly to check in with each other to discuss how it is working out. New issues such as smoking, finances, noise levels, etc. are likely to come up.

Don't make it too easy and too comfortable. Boomerang kids should be expected to pick up and clean the house to your standards, not their own. When meals are provided, they should be expected to contribute towards food bills, preparation and clean up.

Finally, resist financial bailouts and paying off your boomerang childs credit card debt and student loans. Never co-sign for their credit cards. Instead help your boomerang kid create a debt pay down plan and savings goal. The low cost living arrangement for a boomerang kid should be a time they use to improve their financial situation and get a fresh financial start.

Ray Martin

View all articles by Ray Martin on CBS MoneyWatch»
Ray Martin has been a practicing financial advisor since 1986, providing financial guidance and advice to individuals. He has appeared regularly as a contributor on the CBS Early Show, CBS NewsPath, as a columnist on CBS Moneywatch.com and on NBC-TV's morning newscast TODAY. He has also appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show and is the author of two books.

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